Mathew on Monday: “Thrills, spills and a swashbuckling turncoat!”

Mathew Hulbert | Columnist | 27 June 2022

After finding our seats a few rows from ringside, myself and Mason and Vaughan Moore (both of this parish) were ready for the action to begin at Wrestling in Hinckley’s Seventh Anniversary Show.

Pictured: Mathew, ringside (Image: Vaughan Moore)

The event opened with crowd favourite and the reigning Wrestling in Hinckley Champion Dominita who announced she was issuing an open challenge to anyone in the back who wanted to challenge her could do so in the main event later in the evening.

She was joined by fellow face (if you know your wrestling parlance), the Captain himself Valentino.

But it turns out that Valentino had been harbouring (pun intended; captain, boats, high seas…harbouring. Oh, never mind!) seething resentment about Dominita winning the grandest prize in all of Wrestling in Hinckley, as he attacked Dominita and launched a verbal diatribe against her.

The crowd, who don’t take kindly to their favourite being blindsided, naturally turned against Valentino but he, in turn, looked almost in tears at the fans reaction.

There was something almost Shakesperean about the scene; as Valentino was, in turns, both proud of himself and appalled at himself in equal measure.

Not sure how old Valentino is but he seems to be having some kind of mid-life crisis.

Dominita confirmed that, following his heinous attack, she would indeed face-off against Valentino for the title later.

But, for now, we turn to other matters.

Next up was the always popular Luke Basham (I suspect that’s probably not his real name…although maybe he became a wrestler because of his name, a bit like BBC East Midlands Today weather presenter Sara Blizzard!) against Mr Health and Safety himself, the ever risk averse Mr Alex Connors.

Whilst myself and Vaughan were hearily cheering on Mr Basham, Mason decided to be very contradictory and cheer on Connors…declaring, repeatedly, that any attempted move by Basham was not ‘safe.’

Connors and his entourage certainly play their part well; announcing ‘trip hazards’ and putting safety tape around the outside of the ring.

Some of the young fans at ringside even got involved (encouraged by Basham) using their inflatable hammers to pound both members of the Health and Safety fraternity.

When the proverbial dust had settled on this one Basham had his arm raised in victory, much to the crowds delight.

Next up was the team of BDK (as I turned to Mason and said, you wouldn’t want to meet them on a dark
night) up against…well, to be honest, two guys I’d never heard of…Woody someoneorother and RC thingymebob whose rotund stature gave me hope that even now I could change career and become a grappler; though, on reflection, I’m perhaps best writing about them than attempting to become one.
Both of these teams are comedy gold.

I especially enjoyed Woody announcing his next move before delivering it…”double back elbow,” etc.
BDK won, however, with both men pinning Woody…I know this is wrestling and you’re not supposed to second guess anything, but how on earth is it ‘legal’ for two men to pin one?

I’ll leave that query dangling in the air, I think.

Next was the contest for the always oddly named Subjective Championship…as Elton John lookalike himself, Mr Jason Joshua, took on Mia in an intergender contest.

(Editor, should I mention that I saw these two having a chat and, I think, a cigarette outside the building as I was walking in shortly before bell time? Oh, I just did.)

Rather foreshadowing what was going to happen in a later contest (I don’t want to grumble, but I’m going to anyway. I don’t like being able to work out what’s likely to happen in a later contest by the circumstances of an earlier one), ‘Hot Shot’ Joey Scott the handsome and trim current holder of the contract in the case (which allows him to challenge for any title at a time of his choosing) appeared at ringside to try and put Mr Joshua off his stride.

That was a forlorn effort, however, as after much back-and-forth Joshua retained his title.

That marked the half way point of the evening and, as you do when you’re watching an athletic contest, I then went and bought myself some crisps, sweets and a can of pop.

First up after the break was the aforementioned Joey Scott taking on the much larger The Judge for the briefcase (not just any old briefcase, oh no, but the one with the contract in. Do keep up, please.)

Though pre the event I thought The Judge might squash the much lighter ‘Hot Shot’ with his devastating Earthquake splash move (for those of you who remember your 90’s WWF action), as I’d worked out by now given what happened earlier, Mr Scott won and, yes you guessed it, Jason Joshua came back out, started jaw-jacking with Joey Scott, supposedly wishing him well for his upcoming jaunt in America, he then attacked him, driving his head into his Subjective Championship belt, no doubt setting up a match between the two for that very title later in the year upon the Hot Shot’s return from Stateside.

This was followed by a six man ‘scramble’ for the No.1 contendership of the Subjective Championship…but, er, hadn’t Joey Scott just become exactly that? All rather confusing, tbh.

Anyway, this involved two guys from the ‘Health and Safety’ stable and four others who I’d never heard of.

One of them, a handsome gent called Jay Matthews, is now officially my second favourite WiH star..after the currently injured Mr Samuel Best, of course. Get well soon, Sam!

And it was, indeed, Mr Matthews who emerged victorious. So, I very much look forward to seeing him take on whoever ends up as the Subjective Champion later in the year.

If WiH bosses are reading this (and I know you do!), I continue to live in hope that we’ll see Sam Best vs The Judge before the year is out.

A guy can dream, eh?

And, finally, it was now main event time.

Mr Mid Life Crisis Valentino vs Dominita…who came out to the theme song ‘Barbie Girl’ by Aqua (a pop classic!)

The ref went down half way through…I do hope he has his health insurance all paid up.

Valentino used his hook toward the end of the contest (because what man doesn’t have one, right?) and nearly got the W.

But Dominita turned it aroud and successfully defended the precious Wrestling in Hinckley championship.

As always, it was an entertaining evening…though I’d rank it third out of the three WiH events I’ve attended in person.

WiH’s next event isn’t until October. So I know the anticipation will be building over the coming months.
Until then, grapple fans, stay safe.

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